.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/07/2008

Homeless NH Man Not Seeing Much Change from Candidates

(Portsmouth, NH) Local panhandler Emmett Burgoyne said that he has tracked down "nearly every" presidential contender in the upcoming primary, and he has been disappointed with their collective efforts to bring change to the Granite State.

"So far, to date, I've only received $1.84 from these heartless bastards," he noted. "And most of that was from Dennis Kucinich when he thought I was a parking lot attendant. As far as I'm concerned, these cheap sons-a-bitches don't know the meaning of the word 'change.'"

Burgoyne said that most of the candidates tried to pretend he did not exist.

"I mean, it's not like I don't have a sign and all," he added. "It would be one thing if I was some crazed, drooling lunatic who deserved a Secret Service laser-sight on his forehead, but I am just doing my job and getting shat on."

Burgoyne said that GOP candidate Mitt Romney gave him the "coldest of cold shoulders" after a speech this morning.

"Dude was all like: 'Just... don't... touch... me!' when I walked over to him," he recalled. "Yes, I need a bath, and yes, I'm not exactly walking around in a Brooks Brothers suit, but there's no reason to treat me like an LDS heretic and shit. Some things are just plain wrong, you know?"

Labels: , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?